The queen, it turns out, is something of a martial arts expert.
A billboard implies that Queen Victoria will decapitate buccaneers. Captured pirates along the Thames in London hang, starving, in cages.
Film semi pirates full#
A bathtub full of people all but demolishes Darwin’s house, plunging down several staircases with various large items (including an Easter Island head) right behind it. A giant whale crash-lands on the dock at Blood Island and spits out Black Bellamy.ĭarwin is made to walk the plank, and Surprisingly Curvaceous Pirate waxes eloquent about how much she loves making victims take that last death-dealing stroll. Twice, large quantities of vinegar and baking soda mingle to explosive effect. (And the pirates mock him for it.)Ī rapid-fire litany of Pirates’ slapstick silliness may be the best way to communicate its tone: An anchor falls on someone. A still picture of Pirate Captain in the credits shows him mostly without clothes in a beefcake pose.ĭarwin, who is infatuated with Queen Victoria, bemoans his lack of “experience” with “kissing” women. They’re seen briefly and from a distance, as are a shipful of nudists-male and female-whose critical parts are strategically obscured by various objects and camera angles. (We see cleavage and her bare midriff.) Darwin is enchanted by singing, dancing island women whose leis and long hair are all that cover their torsos. (She’s covered with suds, of course.) By the time the mayhem subsides, she and her tub are out in the street-with nary a towel in sight to cover up.Ĭutlass Liz wears clothes that barely cover her ample features. While she’s bathing in Darwin’s house in England, several characters fall through the roof and end up in the tub with her. “I’d take a jellyfish in the face for that man,” she gushes. Surprisingly Curvaceous Pirate is a woman disguised as a man-complete with a giant orange beard-who has a big crush on Pirate Captain. In a drawing, two appear topless (with their backs mostly turned to us). And then we briefly see such creatures a couple of times as the story unspools. We hear that seeing “scantily clad mermaids” is one of the perks of pirate life early in the film. Three: The queen happens to hate pirates. One: Darwin’s got his own plans for Polly. There are just two problems with that plan. Instead, she’s the world’s last remaining dodo! And if they can get that rare bird to London, the reward money should be more than enough to win the competition. Standing at the end of the plank, however, Darwin notices that Pirate Captain’s cherished parrot, Polly, isn’t actually a parrot. It’s enough to make even an introverted pirate scream “Arrrrrrr!”
And, finally, besieging a ship carrying a young scientist named Charles Darwin … who, not surprisingly, doesn’t have any gold either. Besetting a ship full of “naturalists” … with no gold and no clothes. Assailing a ship full of students on a geography field trip … with no gold. So he and his misfit crew get busy, attacking a ship full of plague victims … with no gold. They’re just not “good” enough to compete with the cunning buccaneers who out-doubloon them every year: the dreaded Black Bellamy, the buxom Cutlass Liz and the peg legged terror known as, naturally, Peg Leg Hastings. For 20 years he and his misfit crew (Pirate With a Scarf, Surprisingly Curvaceous Pirate, Pirate With Gout and Albino Pirate) have pursued the ultimate pirate honor: winning the cherished title of Pirate of the Year.Īlas, their annual voyage to pirate HQ, on a remote isle in the West Indies known as Blood Island, inevitably ends in mocking futility. Pirate Captain knows all about them, though. Those are waters no pirate worth his salt wants to sail through. But no one ever talks about the hard times, the years when pilfered treasure is in short supply. Of burying booty and marking the spot with a X. Oh, sure, there’s the indescribable joy of hollering “Avast!” Of terrorizing the high seas.
Film semi pirates cracked#
Sometimes being a pirate isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
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